We spend more time with our colleagues than we do our families, and few workplace challenges prove as draining or demoralising as enduring toxic colleagues – especially when the option to walk away is out of reach. Whether you’re committed to your role for financial reasons, bound by contract, or simply not ready to make a leap, feeling trapped with difficult co-workers can take a toll on your wellbeing, productivity, and sense of self-worth. The good news? While you may not be able to control who you work with, you can control your approach, your boundaries, and your inner resilience. Here’s how to survive—and even thrive—in the face of workplace toxicity.
Recognising Toxic Behaviour
Toxic colleagues come in many forms: the chronic complainer, the backstabber, the micromanager, the gossip, the credit-stealer, and the relentless critic. I think we have all experienced or will experience these colleagues at some point in our careers. Sometimes, their behaviour is subtle – undermining you in meetings, spreading rumours, or freezing you out of key conversations. Other times, it’s overt: bullying, sabotage, outright hostility.
First, recognise the signs:
- Frequent put-downs or passive-aggressive comments
- Lack of accountability and tendency to blame others for mistakes
- Chronic negativity or pessimism
- Manipulation or emotional games
- Exclusion from group activities or important conversations
- Sabotaging your work or taking credit for your successes
- Spreading rumours or gossip
Awareness is the first step. By identifying patterns, you’ll be better equipped to respond with intention rather than react impulsively.
From experience, I know ignoring the subtle first signs can result in long-term emotional distress. If you feel comfortable and have a good working relationship with your manager, consider discussing with them that you’ve noticed a few changes, that you would like to mention.
Setting Boundaries: Your First Line of Defence
Boundaries are vital to protecting your emotional energy. Even if your workplace culture is imperfect, you can still draw invisible lines around what you’ll tolerate.
- Limit personal sharing – Oversharing can make you vulnerable to manipulation or gossip. Keep conversations professional and friendly, but avoid divulging details that could be weaponised.
- Don’t engage in negativity – If a colleague begins gossiping or complaining, politely excuse yourself. A simple “I need to get back to work” is sufficient.
- Say “no” gracefully – If someone attempts to offload undesirable tasks, be assertive yet respectful: “I’m sorry, but I need to focus on my current priorities.”
- Protect your time – Schedule focused work blocks and communicate your availability clearly. Don’t allow persistent interrupters to derail your productivity.
Remember, boundaries aren’t about controlling others—they’re about caring for yourself, allowing you to take a step back.
Detaching Emotionally: The Art of the Grey Rock
The “grey rock” method is a powerful tool when dealing with people who thrive on drama. By being as emotionally unreactive and uninteresting as possible, you can deprive toxic colleagues of the response they crave.
- Keep responses short and neutral.
- Avoid sharing opinions or personal stories.
- Don’t rise to provocations or baiting behaviour.
Over time, toxic individuals may lose interest when they realise, you’re not a source of drama or validation.
Documenting Incidents: Protecting Yourself
If you ever need to escalate situations or defend yourself, documentation is your best ally. Quietly keep notes of conversations, save emails and screenshot chats. When situations escalate, you will be thankful you have easy access to these documents.
- Keep a private log of incidents. Record dates, times, parties involved, and a factual description of what occurred.
- Save relevant emails, chat logs, and notes from meetings.
- Be sure your records are objective and professional – avoid emotional language.
Documentation isn’t just for worst-case scenarios; it can help you spot patterns and reflect on your progress in maintaining boundaries.
Finding Allies and Building Your Support Network
Even in toxic environments, there are often others who feel as you do. Seek out like-minded colleagues who value respect, professionalism, and kindness. They will become your save haven, and usually inhouse counsellor on days that are a little tougher.
- Build connections with people who lift you up and support your work.
- Confide (discreetly) in trusted colleagues who can offer perspective or advice.
- Mentors, inside or outside your organisation, can provide guidance and remind you of your worth beyond your current circumstances.
Social support is one of the most effective buffers against stress and burnout.
Communicating Assertively
Toxic colleagues often rely on ambiguity or intimidation. Clear, assertive communication is a powerful antidote.
- Use “I” statements to express your needs (“I need more notice for deadline changes”).
- Maintain a calm, even tone—especially when you feel provoked.
- If confronted or criticised unfairly, ask for specifics: “Can you clarify what you mean?” or “Can you give an example?”
- Reiterate your boundaries when necessary, without apology or aggression.
Being assertive doesn’t mean being confrontational; it’s about standing up for yourself with dignity.
Focusing on What You Can Control
It’s easy to become consumed by the negativity of others. Instead, anchor yourself in the aspects of your job that you can influence – your performance, your attitude, your routine.
- Set clear goals for your day and celebrate small wins.
- Find pride in your contributions and remind yourself of your value.
- Create rituals that nurture your wellbeing, such as short lunchtime walks, gratitude lists, or mindful breathing breaks.
By redirecting your energy inward, you reclaim agency in an environment that may otherwise feel overwhelming.
Prioritising Self-Care
Toxic workplaces can erode not only your confidence but also your mental and physical health. Make self-care non-negotiable.
- Get enough sleep, eat nourishing foods, and move your body regularly.
- Make time for hobbies and connections outside of work.
- Practice mindfulness or meditation to manage stress.
- Consider speaking to a mental health professional if you start to feel chronically anxious, depressed, or hopeless.
Self-care is not a luxury—it is a necessity for survival and resilience.
Knowing When (and How) to Escalate
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a toxic colleague crosses the line into harassment or other serious misconduct. In these situations, it’s vital to understand your rights and your company’s protocols.
- Familiarise yourself with your organisation’s HR policies and reporting procedures.
- If you feel safe, address the issue directly with the person first. Sometimes, a clear conversation can resolve misunderstandings.
- Bring your documentation to HR or management. Present facts calmly and professionally.
- If you witness or experience illegal activity (such as discrimination or harassment), know that external recourse may be necessary.
Escalation should be a last resort, but you are always entitled to a safe and respectful workplace.
Hopeful Future
It’s easy to feel stuck and powerless in the shadow of toxic colleagues. But remember: this is only one chapter of your career. Circumstances can – and often do – change. Colleagues move on, teams restructure, opportunities arise. Continue to develop your skills, expand your network, and nurture your aspirations for the future.
Final Thoughts
Surviving in the midst of toxic colleagues is a test of patience, self-respect, and adaptability. You may not be able to change those around you, but you can take powerful steps to safeguard your spirit, protect your peace, and grow in confidence. With clear boundaries, assertive communication, strong support networks, and an unwavering commitment to self-care, you can withstand even the most challenging work environments – and emerge with your sense of self not just intact, but stronger than ever.
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